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Five Horrifying Christmas Songs You Never Knew Existed

There are certain Christmas songs we hear every season, many we sing along to, and some even even bring back wonderful holiday memories.

Also out there lurking in the shadows however, are some truly terrifying Christmas songs that you probably never knew existed.

In no particular order, we present our own musical nightmare before Christmas. Enjoy…

 

Cyndi Lauper – Christmas Conga

One of the least explored concepts of Christmas is the natural pairing of the holiday and … a conga line. Cyndi Lauper takes care of that for us with this little ditty. Hey, she just wanted to have fun.

 

David Hasselhoff – Jingle Bells

We’re not sure if this is the worst thing that ever happened to Christmas, or the best thing.

Two words, and only two words. The. Hoff.

 

Justin Bieber and Busta Rhymes – Drummer Boy

The Biebs makes his first of two appearances on this list, absolutely murdering the Christmas classic, Little Drummer Boy. When the song isn’t alternating from effeminate vocals to bad ass rap lyrics, it’s nailing foolz with these epic drops:

Now let me get straight to it, yo
At the table with the family, havin’ dinner
Blackberry on our hip and then it gave a little flicker
Then I took a look to see before it activates the ringer
Came to realize my homie Bieber hit me on the Twitter
I hit him back despite I had some food up on my fingers
Sippin’ eggnog, with a little sprinkle of vanilla
Even though it’s kind of cold, I’m pullin’ out a chinchilla

Word.

 

Destiny’s Child – 8 Days of Christmas

Destiny’s Child managed to keep tradition alive with their title track to the album, 8 Days of Christmas. That tradition being, the curious need to say the band’s name in every song they performed.

Rolling Stone joked of the song – since Beyonce sings about her true love giving her a CLK Mercedes on the second day, it’s “no wonder DC shortened their holiday season by four days – their beaus would’ve been flat broke by the twelfth day.”

Rolling Stone also called the tune “insipid.” You be the judge.

 

Mariah Carey and Justin Bieber – All I Want For Christmas Is You

Carey and Bieber teamed up to ruin her holiday hit, All I Want For Christmas Is You. The video (seen below) was put out in 2011, when Carey was 41 and Bieber was 17. It features an endless reel of shots showing Carey from behind wearing a short skirt and high heels, and leaning up against a wall. Apparently the wall was in danger of falling over.

 

Lets go to TPI correspondent, Hans Gruber, for commentary. Hans, what did you think of Mariah Carey’s performance in this video?

 

 

We hope you enjoyed our review of the five worst Christmas songs you’ve never heard. Can you add to the list?

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